|What Polygyny Has Given Me!|
As a young daughter of polygyny, I wish to share with others what polygyny has brought to my life. Inshallah I can help erase some of the fears many sisters today have associated with polygyny and I hope to bring to light the many benefits that exist when polygyny is practiced the way Allah(T) instructed us to through the example of our beloved Prophet(S). I am not involved in a polygynous marriage (or even married as a matter of fact); however, I have witnessed it first hand as a child and young adult al hamdulillah.
To start off, I would like to tell a little about myself. My mother became Muslim when I was a young child. In the beginning it wasn’t very easy for me. I watched my mom go from being a very “cool”, modernized mom to a very conservative one. It started with the clothing. She went from wearing mini-skirts to longer pants, skirts and long sleeve blouses and the headscarf (hijab). Eventually she made the transition into a jilbab (overgarment), and, now Mashallah she even wears niqab. All of this didn’t happen overnight either- it took several years.
One of the other things that changed my life dramatically was that my mom decided to homeschool me and stopped me from hanging out with my non-Muslim friends. Now I can tell you that I rebelled in the beginning; however, it was really one of the best things that could have happened to me. In fact, many of the girls I attended school with either had babies or abortions (astaghfirillah) by the 7th and 8th grade. I was even watching television a few weeks ago and I saw a young girl on the news that was arrested. I couldn’t believe she was my classmate in the 6th grade. She is now 18 years old with 3 children. The youngest child, 5 months old, she almost beat to death! (La Hawla wa La Quwatillah billahi). It brought tears to my eyes. Al hamdulillah Islam has protected me and preserved my dignity and honor! (Thank you, Mom, and most of all, thanks be to Allah!)
When I was 12 years old I made my first committment to Allah. I decided I would start to wear hijab and never to remove it inshallah. It was really hard at first because most of my family members aren’t Muslim and they didn’t like it at all! They thought I was being brainwashed and couldn’t understand that I wanted to do it to please Allah(T). Eventually, our own family members could no longer handle us being Muslim and disowned us. (If only they could see me now in my own niqab!) I never thought that they would desert us in a million years - I once had a very close relationship with my grandmother. Al hamdulillah, however this has brought me even closer to my mom because we only had each other.
My 12th year was also the year my mom married my step-father. (He is really more like a real father to me- as he has done more for me than my real father ever did). At first when they got married I was really upset and slightly jealous. I was used to having my mom to myself and I didn’t want to share her with anyone- especially another man! In the past I had witnessed my mom struggling through an abusive marriage and meaningless relationships- always getting hurt! I could not bear to watch my mom go through what i thought was just going to be more pain. Although I begged her not to, she married him anyways! and alhamdulillah she did! Allah has such great plans for us - which we are rarely aware of at the time!"
My mom and I have always been very close and have shared practically everything. She never kept anything from me. From the beginning she told me the truth about their marriage and the fact that he has another wife and children. Honestly, I couldn’t believe she would settle for being a second wife! She had even had other requests for marriage from men who were not currently married - some had never even been married at all! I felt that she must have developed a low self-image of herself or something! I kept asking her (and myself) how could this be right for us!?
Well,several years later, (to make a really long story short) let me finally share with you what polygyny has brought to my life!
Polygyny gave me a father figure (my own dad has never been a part of my life) and gave my mom a wonderful caring husband (like she has never had before). It gave us security and stability - abundant food and a nice home. Al hamdulillah!
It enabled my mom to stay home with me, help me with my studies, and spend more time learning about Islam. My mom no longer has to put up with the harrassment at work and she no longer has to deal with any obnoxious men! Al hamdulillah!
Polygyny gave me a family- a really big one- to replace the family we lost! And this time, our family loves us FOR our Islam- al hamdullillah. It also gave my mom a cowife (best friend, sister, and teacher all packaged in one). With that, it also gave her more children to love who also love her in return- what she always wanted almost more than anything else.
But most of all, polygyny has given us an opportunity of a brighter future, full of love and happiness! What we once longed for -but never had. That is.... what polygyny....has given....me! (by Allah’s will of course, Al hamdulillah! (Takbir!- AllahuAkbar!!!)
by a daughter of polygyny